mistake? or just fate?

I think i made a mistake by breaking up with my ex-boyfriend. Mistake because there are times that I feel, I still can' t move on. I get out of sort when he just missed texting me. I still get jealous when he is talking or hanging around with other girls, or even with his friends (sometimes). When he is hanging out with his friends, I don't really think it is a big deal but, I am just jealous. Or maybe I just want to be there, too. Maybe I just want to be there in his happy moments. At the same time,  I also want to be alone with him.

My day is not complete without a single text from him. I want to know if he still cares for me because i still want him to. But he is already not responsible for that because I already dump him. Am I being unfair to him?

But can you blame me if  I am still like this? It is like, he's giving me a chance that we could still work on things about us. He still fetches me and accompany me on my way home. We still eat together. He's calling me cutesy names on text messages. When we don' t have stints in school, he prefers go walk with me. And he insists that he cares for me, that I am still important to him.

I want to believe but somehow, I want to stop myself. I know that the more I believe, the more I' ll get hurt.

I want to love him with all my heart, to give what I can, to spend my time when I can, because I do. But I am hesitating because of this situation. It makes me sad. I can feel to him that he does not have plans to be with me anymore. He just want to savor things with me as long as we still have time. He is happy with that.

I don't think if it this is the better way for us. Maybe this is really my fate. I did this.

I just turned a year older and I feel a year younger.

Hahahah! Few days ago, I celebrated my, uh, 23rd birthday and it was fine. I really was not expecting something bongga or extravagant. I am already happy that I passed my thesis. That was my birthday wish last year, and it was just a year delayed. Hahaha!

What I want to happen now is to change a bit.
I will just do it by myself.

"where's my gift?"

"it's in here, baby"

what a feeling

please, stop doing it na.. you're not even married to do that. you are so halata naman eh. ikaw, halata mo ba na halata ka? kawawa ka dyan sa nobyo mo, lahat binibigay mo na. hindi lang sa luho nya, pati pa sa kakatihan niya.. tsk tsk tsk..

bookwormishly

I have been reading this book for almost two nights and i just have few more pages left to finish.

yes, this book is a bit creepy especially with the illustrations in it. see it for yourself. though some are done with photo tricks, it helps the readers to enhance their imagination to what the story contains. but some pictures will creep you out.

the first time i read this was last Sunday night (actually, it is best to read this at night). i just cant forget the scene when Jacob went to the abandoned house and searched the pitch black basement. on that same moment, the door here in my room suddenly creaked and opened without someone around. and a cold wind blew. what a perfect timing and perfect weather that was.

anyway, about the story, maybe this is the best time for me to blog this because i am still curious about the ending. will Jacob stay at the House or continue to live his life in the reality?

what will happen to him and Emma (knowing that she was her grandpa's ex)? Curious? read the book.

lots of questions pops in my head. that is why i really have to read.

Hail to PUP Interior Designers!

CONGRATULATIONS to the 2012 Interior Design Board Exam Passers

1. BORAL, Marjorie S.
2. CAMORONGAN, Eloisa B.
3. DALANGIN, Alvin C.
4. DIONEDA, Benedict C.
5. FRANCISCO, Jennifer A.

6. IBANEZ, Evan Christian S.
7. MARQUEZ, Archie Joseph R.
8. ORIENDO, Runny A.
9. QUILONIO, Xandra Lyn M.
10. SAPAO, Sherlyan V.
11.SOLIS, Rowena S.

though i don't personally know some of you, our school is totally Proud of you!

PUP BSID IS NOW NO.1 PERFORMING SCHOOL IN THE PHILIPPINES WITH 78.57% PASSING RATE!

wow! right?

fruit of the labor

the long wait for the results of my thesis has finally out! (actually last week pa :p)
 But first, i want to thank everyone who helped me creating my masterpiece!

List of Noisy and Standing

1. my auntie ning for providing for my expenses. financial. :) (though i also spent my own money :p) without you, i could not buy my drawing materials and paid for the printing and bookbinding of my book.
2. my sister, for secondary expenses :) for the laptop, and printer :)
3. my auntie lea, for the venue :) for patiently sweeping all my mess everyday :) and for preparing me some food:)
4. my best friend, rafael, for everything. for updating me about the schedules, for carrying my things, for providing my "kulang", for pushing me to work, for the sacrifices of you and your family :) alam mo na yan:)
5.  alvin, milo and carren, for the last-minute help :)
6.  my friends, and those who has been involve in the creation of my MASTERPIECE,  for giving me strength, texting me, enlightening me with your words:)
7. my family, for supporting me. i know deep inside you, guys, you're praying for me to finish this and surpass everything:) my mama, for helping me mounting, sticking tapes on my board:)
8. God, i don't have to say it. He already knows it :)
9. anson supermarket, for letting me use your space:) thanks a lot!

(yung bayad nyo ha, 2 pesos for standing, 3 pesos for noisy..)

these are exactly my fruits! ahahahha!

what a feeling?

oh, somebody just asked me for a date.. what should i say? what should i do?

it just feel so awkward. i have been avoiding those kind of situations with him because, you know.. it is not that i don't like him but.. maybe i don't want us be in that kind of matter.

yes, we were seeing each other occasionally, by group dates, etc. and based on my experience (?) with him, i am not that comfortable. there is nothing wrong with him. but he is not the boyfriend type.

should i still give him a chance? if it means something?

after he asked me, i replied "is it  a friendly date?". and guess what, he did not answered. ahahahha!
i know how awkward our conversation was, and he also became awkward.. so awkward.
ahahahah! i know him. i know how awkward he is.

i' m too busy to mess with you

hahah! i am not mad nor angry right now, im just making fun of my title :)
anyway, i am really running out of time for my thesis. i really have to push myself to work yet i am still here typing. hehehe! i am just having a break, and typing what' s happening in my life. this is part of my history, eh?
as i said, i am in the verge of doing my thesis. two more weeks to work. less sleep, more tired hands, drier brain. and what else can you ask for?
to tell you the truth, i really am getting nervous and nervous as days go by. i am feeling that i might fail..FOR THE nTH TIME MY SWEET DEAR!

"oh, can i borrow your hands so i could work double time?"

"please be gentle with me."

"So help me God."

Bookwormishly

next book to read:

Lord of the Rings

(ang bible daw ng best friend kong si Rafael)hahahha!
ang kapal lang neto ah! kelan ko naman kaya matatapos to??
but im excited na to read this. di ko kasi maintindihan ung movie eh.
di ko narin matandaan kung napanuod ko na nga ba..?
mas nagegets ko pa sa mga kwento ng best friend ko at sa mga book na nabasa ko eh,
kesa sa movie..

 

if life is short, then..?

I think He is already reminding me how short life is.

sometimes i am feeling that I have something in my body that could kill me, a disease perhaps. Or maybe I am just a bit hypochondriac.

But last time, I felt something in my chest, I thought it was a lump. But I'm not really sure what was that but its a bit painful. I read a medical book to see the contents about breast cancer. And there's the method of you know, touching your breast and all. I followed the correct procedure and I felt no lump. But there was a denser part somewhere at the upper"outer"side of the breast. It's like a muscle due to its firmness. Then i  remember before anything else, i had done a heavy task (sweeping, mopping the floor, etc). so i just considered that. but that was terrible, discovering things like that. i thought i was already dying plus the fact that i could not provide for my medications (and burial?) if that happen (and i just don't want to be a burden to others)

that situation made me realize that anytime, sooner or later, i am going to die like anyone else in this mortal world. and since i don't finish school and earned no money yet, i ask myself if my life has been worthy? or am i just going to die in vain? have i been a good person to others? will they recognize my deeds?

i am just a little creature who (i think people think) have not yet proven anything great to make anyone proud. i am not yet a graduate, and if i am going to graduate it would not be from a prestigious school. i have not accepted in any job i applied for. i don't have any trophy or medal. i don't have an expensive gadget or clothes or shoes.

yes, i don't have material things to show or to offer but through that, i learned to live in simplicity. i realized that i won't be needing any of that when i die nor i couldn't bring that to heaven with me, if that's where im going to. its just that "wala silang mamamana sakin!" (nothing will be inherited from me).
Each day, i try to spare some love by serving the people around me, making their work easier, making them feel good or doing any small deeds i could offer because that's the best thing that i can do. i know most of what i do are not recognized but i am reminding myself that "Someone up there is smiling for what i've done"(came from a text message).
i am also trying to be more understanding, to be lighthearted, to be unpretentious, and to avoid malevolence because before, i am the (a bit) opposite of these.
i am also nourishing my faith and i am giving my gratitude to my best friend for influencing me for this (mas relihiyoso na ata ko sayo ngayon!haha!). i learned to talk to God when no one is available to listen(though i already do this since i was younger. but not every day). i share to Him my sorrow, my problems, and also my happiness because He has been all part of it. He is like a chocolate because i feel better after praying.

these are the things that will and always be in my heart that nobody can steal nor burn nor tear. if i cant get what i desire, maybe it is not really meant for me and maybe, because it is not the best for me. i will just be thankful for what i have and cherish it. if i receive something beyond my expectations then it is a "surprise" gift, for everything i have is already a gift.

Anyway, I am still observing my breast, waiting for the end of my period because based on what i read, it is best observed after period. But i hope that it is only due to my upcoming period or just because of a hard-working muscle. Oh my poor little....
And from now on, i will do the breast-lump-detection massage regularly, i mean at least once a month.