if life is short, then..?

I think He is already reminding me how short life is.

sometimes i am feeling that I have something in my body that could kill me, a disease perhaps. Or maybe I am just a bit hypochondriac.

But last time, I felt something in my chest, I thought it was a lump. But I'm not really sure what was that but its a bit painful. I read a medical book to see the contents about breast cancer. And there's the method of you know, touching your breast and all. I followed the correct procedure and I felt no lump. But there was a denser part somewhere at the upper"outer"side of the breast. It's like a muscle due to its firmness. Then i  remember before anything else, i had done a heavy task (sweeping, mopping the floor, etc). so i just considered that. but that was terrible, discovering things like that. i thought i was already dying plus the fact that i could not provide for my medications (and burial?) if that happen (and i just don't want to be a burden to others)

that situation made me realize that anytime, sooner or later, i am going to die like anyone else in this mortal world. and since i don't finish school and earned no money yet, i ask myself if my life has been worthy? or am i just going to die in vain? have i been a good person to others? will they recognize my deeds?

i am just a little creature who (i think people think) have not yet proven anything great to make anyone proud. i am not yet a graduate, and if i am going to graduate it would not be from a prestigious school. i have not accepted in any job i applied for. i don't have any trophy or medal. i don't have an expensive gadget or clothes or shoes.

yes, i don't have material things to show or to offer but through that, i learned to live in simplicity. i realized that i won't be needing any of that when i die nor i couldn't bring that to heaven with me, if that's where im going to. its just that "wala silang mamamana sakin!" (nothing will be inherited from me).
Each day, i try to spare some love by serving the people around me, making their work easier, making them feel good or doing any small deeds i could offer because that's the best thing that i can do. i know most of what i do are not recognized but i am reminding myself that "Someone up there is smiling for what i've done"(came from a text message).
i am also trying to be more understanding, to be lighthearted, to be unpretentious, and to avoid malevolence because before, i am the (a bit) opposite of these.
i am also nourishing my faith and i am giving my gratitude to my best friend for influencing me for this (mas relihiyoso na ata ko sayo ngayon!haha!). i learned to talk to God when no one is available to listen(though i already do this since i was younger. but not every day). i share to Him my sorrow, my problems, and also my happiness because He has been all part of it. He is like a chocolate because i feel better after praying.

these are the things that will and always be in my heart that nobody can steal nor burn nor tear. if i cant get what i desire, maybe it is not really meant for me and maybe, because it is not the best for me. i will just be thankful for what i have and cherish it. if i receive something beyond my expectations then it is a "surprise" gift, for everything i have is already a gift.

Anyway, I am still observing my breast, waiting for the end of my period because based on what i read, it is best observed after period. But i hope that it is only due to my upcoming period or just because of a hard-working muscle. Oh my poor little....
And from now on, i will do the breast-lump-detection massage regularly, i mean at least once a month.